I’m afraid. I don’t want to admit it. I want to have all the passion and joy and freedom and love and adventure that it takes to just dive headfirst into this God-driven mission. But really, I am afraid.
Of course, I have fears about all the health and safety stuff that could go wrong with our kids, but I have working on submitting that to God. Those terrifying details are ones I have worked to overcome in my heart and have come to trust in God’s perfect plan for His kingdom. This is a process that will never be complete, I have a feeling.
But what I am afraid of right now is who I will become. I have a feeling I will no longer be “that crunchy mom,” or “that lady who does the games for youth group,” or “the music teacher.” But who will I be in my heart?
I know I will not feel the way I feel or see things they way I see them now. Up until now, my beliefs and values have been pretty steadfast; I feel confident in my convictions and explain them pretty well to others who want to know what I think. But I’m preparing for a total transformation… a transformation I’m maybe not ready for! One thing people sometimes say about me is that I have a confidence that is not found in many women these days. I would tend to agree with that. I like who I am. I like what I am doing in life. I like my husband and my job and my kids and my house and my friends and my whole life. But all of those things are about to change… and I am about to take on something that I don’t understand yet, a culture that I do not know, a people I do not fit in with, a mindset I will need to adopt (at least somewhat) to function. The problem is, I like my mindset!
So, here goes, Take my mind, Lord. I give you my thoughts, my dreams, my goals, my ideals, my priorities, and my values. Transform them. Snuff out the old ideas and light new ones on fire!